That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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