ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
