Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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