he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
