1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
