I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
