Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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