she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
