Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck me I smell like cheese
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
