He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
