we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
