I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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