Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
