Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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