I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
