You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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