did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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