I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize