Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize