I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
