dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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