Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
