I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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