I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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