you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize