No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
