Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
