My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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