"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize