apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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