I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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