and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
