dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
