If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
