he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
