census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
