we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
