My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
