That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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