Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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