Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As shirtless as possible
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm like, not good at living.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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