So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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