I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
