Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
