if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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