I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
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When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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