this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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