I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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