Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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