wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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