I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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