Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
