Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
