i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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