You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
