God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
