Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
