There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
