in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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