totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
