I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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