i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
