Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
