im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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