now i know why i became what i already was.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
