oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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