btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
